Ask a Terrier

Budleigh-bookshelf-eye-darkened-V2Dogs have much to teach us about life besides the best spots to poop.

As a fully qualified terrier, Budleigh is devoted to sorting out your life in much the way he sorts out the lives of rabbits or other small prey.

Submit your questions, thoughts, or challenges by filling out the form below. Your identity will remain confidential, unless you’re a rabbit or other small prey.

Budleigh’s Ask a Terrier column appears below the submission form. (Yes, just scroll down. This isn’t that hard.)

Check back here often. You never know when Budleigh might answer your question. Or steal your shoe. Or dig under your trellis.

Regards,

Giant 1


Ask a Terrier: Budleigh Takes a Walk on the Wild Side

Hi Budleigh!

How worried should I be about my dog versus wild animals? Our big backyard is right next to a forest preserve. Sometimes Nanook , our tough guy, zooms out the back door and charges all the way to the rear fence, barking wildly. The trees are pretty thick, so I can’t tell what’s there. But I’ve seen enough horror movies to suspect it’s something terrible. Nanook returns when called, but he’s not happy about it. I want him to be careful, but I don’t want him doubting his manhood. Doghood. You know what I mean.

Thanks for your advice. Larry, Sheboygan, WI

Budleigh
Budleigh
Thursday, December 7, 2017

Dear Larry,

OK, let’s all stop ignoring the touchy issue of wild animals and squarely address what I call the “coyote in the dog park.”

That is to say, Oh m’God, there is a Coyote in the Dog Park!

Recently I was walking my Giant through the neighborhood and was examining a particularly interesting pile of leaves when he shrieked like a chew toy, then yanked uncomfortably on our lifeline.

And just a quick word to Giants about the lifeline: Don’t call it a “leash”. That’s offensive. It’s like calling your dog a “mutt” instead of a “genetically diverse fur-enhanced co-worker.”

Sorry, but it had to be said.


Ask a Terrier: Dogs and Children – When Species Collide

Dear Budleigh,

Do you get along with kids? My toddler is infatuated with dogs. She won’t go anywhere without her toy “Fooby”. But somehow she’s detached both of Fooby’s ears and split a seam where he once had a tail. Could that behavior be a problem someday? How can I prepare her for a world full of canines?

With thread in hand, Jan W.

Budleigh
Budleigh
Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Dear Jan W.,

Just so we’re all on the same page, Fooby’s a stuffed dog, right? And he’s always been stuffed?

If so, it’s not too late for your toddler to be rehabilitated.

Although unavoidable, mixing dogs and little Giants can be tricky. As Fooby learned to his sorrow, little Giants view dogs as a collection of removable parts in a Fisher-Price “My First Mammal” play set.


Ask a Terrier: Budleigh Analyzes Therapy

Dear Budleigh,

I think that I’d make a good therapy dog. Is it hard to become one? I have my own harness. It has a pocket. Are there any further requirements? FYI, my fur is soft.

Respectfully yours, Baldur (as dictated to my Giant Mitch)

Budleigh
Budleigh
Saturday, September 2, 2017

Dear Baldur,

My Yelly Giant often remarks that, “The best therapy dog comes in little, blue pills!” Then, he laughs. A lot! Sometimes cries.

He means, I assume, that to pursue this higher calling, canines must understand the difference between being a therapy dog, trained to provide comfort and affection, and a service dog, permitted to carry a concealed firearm.


Ask a Terrier: Hero or Hungry?

Dear Budleigh,

Did you see this video on social media where a Golden Retriever called Storm drags a drowning baby deer from the ocean? Then Storm nuzzles and paws it, and probably would have attached a defibrillator if he was vocally able to shout, “Clear!” Dogs are awesome! Do you think I can train Millie, my Rat Terrier, to be that cool or has that ship sailed?

Love your column! Michael M., Madison, WI

Budleigh
Budleigh
Saturday, July 29, 2017

Dear Michael M.,

I’ve heard about Storm’s dramatic rescue, but not seen it because I can’t access social media due to paws.

However, my Giants seemed quite taken with the story, watching it repeated on the news shows, praising Storm with teary eyes, then sighing at me.

OK, Giants, message received!


The Latest Dirt on Dog Germs

Dear Budleigh,

Should I be worried about germs tracked in by my dirty dog? A recent story in the New York Times cites research that dogs bring an array of micro-organisms into our overly-scrubbed homes that may actually be salutary to helping us stave off a number of illnesses by strengthening our autoimmune system. If true, our Newfoundland, Greta, will be much relieved! She worries so.

Thanks for your thoughts. Ingrid G.

Budleigh
Budleigh
Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Dear Ingrid G.

“Salutary”? Don’t know that word, but if it means “with sauce”, then I agree!

My Giants are avid readers of the New York Times, and, of course, as a puppy I often peed on it. So I’m well familiar with the high quality and absorbency of that paper’s content. And their story spotlights a major controversy: Should a travel ban be placed on micro-organisms seeking to enter our homes?


Budleigh Offers Food for Thought

Dear Budleigh,

So what is the best dog food? I feed Roscoe, my beagle, a nutritious mixture of dry and canned food that the vet recommended. Roscoe seems satisfied since he eats it all in four seconds. And he’s healthy. But I wonder if he’s really enjoying his meals? I’d really appreciate an average dog’s perspective. No offense.

Thanks!

Jacob, of Roscoe&Jacob

Budleigh
Budleigh
Thursday, May 18, 2017

Dear Jacob,

On advice of counsel, I’ve been told not to recommend specific brands of dog food until such time as they pay my Giant.

However, since I’m a terrier rules don’t apply to me. So I’m not afraid to name names. The best tasting, most nutritious and economical dry food for Roscoe comes in that big bag with a picture of a dog on it.

It’s also available in a smaller bag that features a picture of a dog. Only a smaller dog.

There! Now I’ve done it. Let the law suits begin!


Washing Machines of Mass Destruction

Oh great Dr. Budleigh,

My sweet golden retriever heard the sounds of an unbalanced washing machine (loud banging) and the fearless Lily is shaking and quaking at the thought of entering that hallway. I’ve tried a trail of treats, a heap of food and nothing has cured her. She eats her meals close to said washing machine, now dubbed the Great and Powerful Oz, so any thoughts on a cure?

Eternally grateful to ya! Lisa H.

Budleigh
Budleigh
Friday, April 14, 2017

Dear Lisa,

To be clear, I’m not a doctor, although I do have a license. Also a microchip in my neck.

However, I often counsel fearful dogs – usually while cowering under the bed with them – to help them face their issues, confront their anxieties, and, ideally, share those trails of treats you mentioned.


The Veterinarian is In! Budleigh Offers Advice on Not Swallowing Pills

Dear Budleigh,

Daisy, my labradoodle, has a skin rash and she has to take pills. She really hates that and tries to spit them out. Also, she tries to hide under things that are way too small for her, like an antique end table.

I don’t want her to be so anxious. Could you, maybe, talk to her?

Thanks you! Carla H., Seattle, Washington

Budleigh
Budleigh
Monday, April 3, 2017

Dear Carla,

Labradoodle? Really? That’s a thing now? OK, no judgments.

Much of the blame for Daisy’s – and all dogs’ – reluctance to swallow pills can be laid at the feet of Giant Veterinarians who routinely treat illnesses with medicines rather than exploring alternative cures, like bacon. I may have had no formal education beyond Basic Obedience and Leash Etiquette, (instructor’s critique: “Budleigh doesn’t heel up to potential.”) but if bacon is “cured” and an illness needs a “cure”, well, you do the math, since I can’t.

So, we’re stuck with pills.


Ask a Terrier: The Giant as Emoticon

Dear Budleigh:

I’m really asking this question on behalf of my Giants. It must be really important, because they ask me ALL THE TIME!!!!

“Who’s a good dog?”

Best, Leia

Budleigh
Budleigh
Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Dear Leia,

Careful here, dear! Because Giants are so adorable, it’s easy to forget that they’re only capable of the most basic feelings and emotions like joy, fear, and overdrawn.

Giants that excitedly ask, “Who’s a good dog”, especially while repeatedly slapping their thighs and comically widening their eyes, are revealing more about themselves that about you. “Who’s a good dog” is simply a reliable indicator of your Giant’s good health, especially when their nose is moist and their coat glossy and lustrous.


Can’t We All Just Get Along?

Dear Budleigh,

I am a miniature poodle. I want to be friends with other dogs, but I lunge at them barking ferociously. How can I curb this behavior?

Thank you! Pebbles

Budleigh
Budleigh
Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Dear Pebbles,

I feel your pain. Or might, if you’re biting, too.

You’re being far too hard on yourself when, of course, Society is to blame. I’m not sure who “Society” is, but my yelly Giant blames Society a lot. I think Society is that Giant, Steve, down the street who doesn’t return power tools.

Pebbles, you ask how to curb this behavior. I ask you, “Why?” Lunging and barking ferociously is just one dog’s way of saying to another, “Can I give you my business card?”


Is it a terrier world? Is it?

Dear Budleigh, ( I don’t believe that is your real name!)

Explain to me why on Earth a terrier is better than a noble black lab who happens to have the name Louie, weighs 67 pounds, loves to watch baseball and Seinfeld, is a good bromance buddy, lives in Michigan, makes a wicked rice pilaf, does my taxes (all forms and schedules), avoids polarizing political discussions, and generally brings peace and joy to our household?

Go ahead, make my day and explain that to me, brillo boy!

Yours, Minnesota Twins Fan Theatre Guy

Budleigh
Budleigh
Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Dear Minnie,

Labs are nice, too.

Budleigh


Oh, Great…Another New Collar

Dear Mr. Budleigh,

For a Christmas stocking stuffer, I’m thinking of buying a new collar. Any advice?

Carrie, South Bend, Indiana

Budleigh
Budleigh
Friday, December 2, 2016

Dear Ms Bend-Indiana,

Is the collar for you or a dog? That’s not clear. If it’s for a dog, then yes, I can advise. If it’s for you, seek professional help immediately! But I’m guessing it’s for a dog, right?

Giants love to buy collars for their dogs, especially during the holidays. I heard that in the weekend following Thanksgimme Day, more than 154 million Giants went shopping. I don’t know if they all got me new collars or just chipped in for one really, really nice one. But I wish they’d asked me first. I don’t want a new collar. No dogs do.

Sorry I said “dog do”, but this issue is that important.


What is “dog” backwards, again?

Hi, Budleigh.

I recently attended a Blessing of the Animals at a nearby church with my basset, Grimace. My wife is Catholic, I was raised Jewish, my son says he’s an atheist, and my daughter just insists she’s for Bernie Sanders.

So what religion are dogs? Did we only confuse Grimace? He seemed to enjoy the service, except for a parrot that scared him. Appreciate your thoughts!

Best, Religiously Challenged

Budleigh
Budleigh
Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Dear RC,

What religion are dogs? That’s a question I get a lot.

I’ve been told – and firmly believe – that “dog” backwards is “god”. I’ve also heard that “terrier” backwards is “god”. Oh, and “cheese” backwards? Also “god”.

I have faith that these are all true, because I can’t spell. Not even sure what “spell” is. But I do know this: parrots are nuts! And scary!

Don’t worry about Grimace. He seems spiritually grounded. I’m a bit concerned about your family, though.

Budleigh


Why? What are you?

Hi Budleigh. You’re so cute! What are you, and are other dogs and their giants jealous of your good looks?

Denise S., Deerfield, Illinois

Budleigh
Budleigh
Sunday, September 4, 2016

Thank you, Denise S Deerfield Illinois,

I’m probably a cross between a terrier and terrier, although not the same terrier. I’ll never know. I was a shelter dog, but I’m not bitter about that. And yes, everyone is jealous of me except the chipmunks in the Giants’ garden who know only fear.

And respect.

Budleigh


Winnin’ and waggin’!

Hiya Budleigh!

How about them Cubs? Do you think you’d like to be their new mascot?

Yay Cubs! Yay Budleigh! Donna

Budleigh
Budleigh
Saturday, September 3, 2016

Dear Donna,

My Giants would like that. They’ve been waiting to win a championship for 756 dog years. Me? I’m not sure. I’m good at chasing balls. Just not so much at giving them back. Is that gonna be a problem?

Budleigh