Opinion(s): How the Dogs Are Voting
When it comes to political campaigns, dogs pay no attention to the news media, except for Wolf Blitzer whose name, they complain, is misleading.
However, dogs are heavily influenced by their Giants. In recent weeks, pets’ political discussions at the local dog park have grown so snarling, biting, contradictory and tail-chasing as to be indistinguishable from Fox News.
GOLDEN RETRIEVER: “…which is why I get a lot of knots, especially on my ears and neck, so that’s when I’ll bring her the comb, but sometimes she needs more than the comb because what I really need is a good brushing. So then I go get—ˮ
PUG: “The brush! Yeah, I get it! We all get it! Give it a rest!”
GOLDEN RETRIEVER: (Ears and tail droop.) “My Giant says with Sanders, you won’t get to talk to me like that.”
PUG: “What’s ‘Sanders’?”
GOLDEN RETRIEVER: “He’s friend to the downtrodden, my Giant says.”
SCHNOODLE: “What’s ‘Downtrodden’?”
GOLDEN RETRIEVER: “It means when you’re pushed down. Like how my fur grows sometimes. That’s when I need to fetch—ˮ
PUG: “If he mentions that brush again, I’m gonna worry his haunch!”
SCHNOODLE: “What’s ‘Haunch’?”
TERRIER MUTT: “That’s who I’m for.”
TERRIER MUTT: “Haunch! My Giants say he’s gonna make America grape again!”
SCHNOODLE: “I’m hungry!”
DOBERMAN PINSCHER: “You mean Trump, not Haunch. My Giant—you know, the yell-y one?”
ALL: “We know!”
DOBERMAN PINSCHER: “Well, my Giant says Trump is gonna build a huge, beautiful wall. Not just one of those invisible fences. Boy, those spook me! Anyway, this wall’s gonna keep out certain…you know…breeds. (Nods at Chihuahua.) No offense meant.
CHIHUAHUA: “¡No hay problema!”
SHETLAND SHEEPDOG: “Maybe I’m for Sanders. My fur gets really downtrodden.”
GERMAN SHEPHERD: “You should be for Hillary. My Giant says lots of Giants are downtrodden and Hillary can bring them all together.”
SHETLAND SHEEPDOG: “Like herding? I’m good at herding.”
GERMAN SHEPHERD: “I guess.”
SHETLAND SHEEPDOG: “OK, then. Go Hillary!”
PUG: “We should take a poll!”
TERRIER MUTT: “A what, then?”
PUG: “That’s when the ear box rings during dinner but my Giants don’t answer because it’s ‘another damn poll!’ Then they yell about how ‘it’s none of their business who I support, and besides I hate them all!’ Then they give me a treat. And sometimes we take a walk.”
SCHNOODLE: “Polls sound great!”
TERRIER MUTT: “I’m for Hillary!”
GERMAN SHEPHERD: “Hillary.”
PUG: “OK! Sanders.”
DOBERMAN PINSCHER: “Trump.”
CHIHUAHUA: “¡No Hay Problema!”
PUG: “There is no Haunch!”
SCHNOODLE: “Then who’s gonna make America grape again?”
GOLDEN RETRIEVER: “Beats me! But I know we’re not supposed to eat grapes.”
Sleeping Between Giants explores life – if you can call it that – with a terrier.
Your feedback is welcome, probably. dj
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